What is Joy but this, that I am always feeling and doing?
Is it not me that is choosing?
So it is this then that I will be doing, forever more
Would you like to walk with me and spare a moment of yours?
That I may share but a glance of what I have seen
In my Return to Forever
I have seen Peace and it looks like this
I have felt joy and you have been there
Let us remember together

I have separated out the confusion and turmoil as if it were a novel that I was reading
Yet, it is no longer reading me
I am free to sing internally
For this is the same as that blossoming rose over there…and you

This delicate balance of life hangs on the precipice like an emerging crystal
Slow, but sure to grow, and at some time break free
Take care when you carry me
I am fragile as such
And I travel from hand to hand; heart to heart, so much
All I ask is that you take care
Simply, everywhere
So that you may see the simplicity
Of the innate joy abound
And that everywhere is where it is found

And as I crumple and turn to dust
Know that this I must…do
For you
To be free of me
Let me then be a fleeting memory
So that I too may be free
That fragrance, that scent, was never meant to stay
All must flow away
How is this joy you may say?
All that are free must flow away

I have never been here, nor have you; this is simply what we do
I and you, I am you, the same hand, the same mouth, the same heart
And as we walk through this field still and empty
May it be that the wind blows us away again today.

I saw a man — old, with cold greased iron and steel
Scorched by the direct lick of the sun
And I thought to myself  — that’s it
I want to roll around in it
– be dirtied by it –
that’s where I want to be with my depth
Like an aged mechanic
“Bring your engine to me and I’ll fix it”
I want my Death to be under my fingernails;
unable to clean it away
I want to reek of the oil of Death
So I never forget my impermanence

I have torn this thing apart…time and time again
And found Nothing
Hollowed echoes remain
Of footsteps past…Nothing lasts in this shattered domain
What was it that I would hope to find anyway?
Me?
Where would I be?
In this soliloquy
There are no arrows that point to self
Save vain interpretations and vile representation
Of a mangled belief-based false reflection
I then, am left, when all else falls away
And is swept away
There is glory in winter’s death
For I am left
Alone
There is beauty in this and none to be amiss
The bitter cold nights and the blinding reflective white
Of her debilitating kiss
Then Stillness
Then Silence
Then Peace
Then Release
Into It….
This is who I am
I am not fair in precious descriptive displaced imaginations of heavens
Or other worldly dimensions somewhere
I am here and this is Nowhere to be found
For I cannot be found in any one thing real
Yet it is here where I find my appeal
And my inclinations thus
To me…precious
For a time we last
Then pass into oblivion
Everyone
The same in this kiss
Goodbye
Oh Earth, may I be with thee till the very end
You have been splendid in every way
I then will fade away into Earth and Water and Nurture Wood and sink to Fire Metal
And her breath will blow my dust away
And it is there that I will stay…unbound
And Nowhere to be found….

Who do you think that you are? A collection of memories, the titles you’ve received? Your pain or trauma that you think defines you? Your race or sex, the compliments or insults that you get? Does your name represent the self that you’ve gained? Do you associate yourself with these times or your assigned purpose, reason or rhythm? Who are you, your spirit or soul and the baggage that they hold? Or the stories that you’ve been told? Are you your beliefs that give you relief?

You decide who you are at any given time, whether you are aware of it of not — and yet, that still isn’t you; that is a mask that you wear. The canvas is blank in there, and you “paint on” what you see, feel and hear — yet, you are that emptiness before it happens. You are holding the space while the life is being painted, and you are that “Undiscovered Country” after the paint has spoiled and faded.

When you play a game, you are not the board, pieces or object — yet, you are completely involved, much like watching a movie; life is as such. Some people say that you are the spirit or soul, but they too are pieces on the game board of life. So who are you?

You are not…until you choose to be — and even then you are simply expressing…something out of Nothing.

That’s what most people don’t get. I know, it IS hard to realize. The material is drawn out of an abstract space as all things are. We create what seems to be necessary and it is received by that which needs it. It is like the marriage between stimulus and receptors, but outside of the framework of time, which came first, if any?

Here is a simple path to personal freedom:

1. Realize that you are not all the stuff that you carry around.
2. Get rid of the stuff that you don’t like: people, places, things, situations and circumstances.
3. Stop reacting to your beliefs and those of others about race, gender, culture, etc.
4. Allow yourself to be free of all preconceived notions of self and who you think that you are supposed to be and make choices based on what you feel and know is right for you.

Most of the world (construct) was designed by foolish men with archaic ideas, beliefs and doctrines. They had ways of classifying things that simply make no sense. We are told what to think, what to feel, what to believe. I say empty the whole archive…then decide.

We are made to suffer the inane classifications that breed the illusion of substance, and we are thereby trapped within these false perceptions. There is the way things actually are, and how we are trained to see them. The key is our ability to shift reality accordingly.

Ask yourself:

• Is this the experience that I want to be having?
• Did I create this or was it created for me?
• Does this have anything to do with who I really am?
• What is it that I am really feeling, wanting and needing?
• Am I prepared to listen to myself?

The view finder is within. All else is a painted-on façade like a set of a film. When you are clear about your own inclinations, then you can design the true life that you want. There is a good chance, if you are being true to yourself, that it doesn’t quite fit the set parameters.

I want to tell you this: Create it anyway. As you redesign yourself, the world changes…we need that; it’s a good thing.

I speak to you from experience. If I accepted what was handed to me, I’d be an amputee in a wheelchair suffering the memory and anger of loss. Not so much the leg, but what I could have been and have become! I would have felt that. I know he would, because I feel him.

Really question your idea of self. The very idea of self is an illusion, especially if you can identify it as something, like my spirit, my soul, or even my self (myself). I feel that you are inexplicable and within which we call the unknown yet, you can articulate experience and extrapolate from that space without fitting into the boxes that we have pre-designed for us.

Expand beyond what you’ve been told and unfold into, through and beyond your own inclinations. Be bold! Defy the norm and allow the true you to be born. This was the promised land and it sucked, this construct! Let’s make another one up. What/who do you want to be, what do you want to see in this story untold?

And me, I’ll go run this underground railroad!

“Be here now.” Really? Has anyone ever stopped to think about this? By the time you even perceive “Now” it is the past! Then you may say “Be in the present time.” The very present is built on fragmented memories of the past and projections of the future. If anyone ever did find “Now,” they would soon realize that there isn’t anything there, because time is fleeting and so too are we, chasing after it and getting stuck in it!

Time is a necessary illusion, much like a language. They both illustrate deeper meaning and articulate experience through the texture of an assigned medium. Yet, it is important to understand that they are not the experience that they describe; they can be used to lead you deeper.

Time represents the expansion of experience – depth, breadth, endurance – yet, we get caught in it and associate ourselves, our lives and our very existence with it: birth, age, death, where you are, where you think that you should be, etc.

One of the functional applications of this illusion is synchronicity, that is, seeing, understanding and utilizing how and when things line up in your favor, within the field of time.

Then there is an aspect that very few are aware of, Sincronos (without time), or that which exists outside of time the framework of time. From a quantum perspective, most of what we experience as a human being is outside of time. Our time is based on the time it takes light to reach earth from the sun, the revolution of the earth on its axis and the time it takes the earth to revolve around the sun. These measurements are constantly in flux and there is so much that travels quicker that the speed of light. Thought is one of those things, and the fact is that the very framework of the universe, Nothingness, is not even affected by the illusion of space or time, because everything is made up of it.

Any altered state of consciousness – thought, sleep, listening to music, watching TV, talking, laughing, an accident – shifts not only our perception of time but, time itself. That is because these and other things take you outside of time, to a space where it doesn’t exist.

Then there is déjà vu, a phenomenon in which we get a glimpse of something seemingly in the future, yet, the moment that we see it, it becomes the past and is parlayed into our memory. Seemingly by surprise, as we approach the time when what we saw is about to happen, we get this feeling that it has happened already – and then the past, present and future, for a moment, are one.

My point is that time is not what we think it is or what we have been trained to experience it as. Einstein developed the Theory of Relativity. Time is relative all right – relative to how you perceive it and want to experience it. Time is not set!

I will share with you the art of Time Bending. I used to live in New York. If you have ever lived there or even visited, you know it is impossible to travel anywhere during certain times of the day. Travel time during rush hour can be two hours to get where you need to go. Fortunately, I knew where all the timed lights were, and I knew all of the shortcuts, connections and alternate routes. I also knew that being late or beholden to time was not an option.

I realized that the passage of time is affected by feeling, which creates an experiential field where time speeds up or slows down – and I mastered that field. I saw myself arriving on or before time. This also was a feeling, and no matter what the external world was saying, beyond a shadow of a doubt I would make it. I was certain of it!

I would energetically pull myself to the place and feel that pulling energy between me and wherever I needed to be. I would literally feel time slow down…minutes felt like hours. I created a perceptual field of effect stronger than the imposed reality, superimposing mine over it! My clients are masters at this, some even better than me!

Don’t get caught in what you’ve been told to believe or perceive. That holds you in place, in a reality that is not really set in place. Any illusion used effectively benefits the user, but getting caught in one seals your fate.

The past, present and future are happening all at the same time in a program called the mind.

In retrospect, I have found a congruent theme and archetype in my life: The “don.” Actually three in particular:

• don Juan De Marco: The hopeless romantic that sees everything and everyone at their fullest potential and is in love with life and experience.
• don Quixote: Dreams the impossible dream and sees the endless potential in all things and stands up against any and all wrong.
• don Juan Matus: The Nagual that holds the space for change and personal power. One who is prepared to rule out all that stands between mankind and their deepest and truest connection with all that is and is not; absolute power.

I bring this up because it is surfacing as inherence within me and others. Something is coming, and almost like Robin Hood, I am seeing to it. Yes, our riches – our creativity, kindness, awareness, sensitivity, instinct, intuition, depth, connections – have been stolen from us. So, I am so bold so as to herald and assist this shift back into it. All of it.

I want to first congratulate my religious, spiritual and new age predecessors, so to speak. You did what you believed was right, but alas, it is now not about belief. That reliance must be released so that we can truly see.

How things are
As universal beings with immensely powerful thoughts, we must realize how this is set up. Notice all around you in nature that everything comes into existence with all that it needs, and all else is directly accessible. There is no hoping, wishing, praying, faith, belief; it all just is. If we realize this, we will be released from the trap of neediness; for all that we need is within us.

We were taught that the things that we need have to be attracted and manifested; these ideas perpetuate an arrested development. If you simply do, and listen to what you feel, all that you need and all paths thereof are revealed.

We must break the bonds of religious, spiritual and new age slavery, for this era was our infancy. Many of the religious, spiritual and new age leaders didn’t know any better. They were just reciting what they heard and believed. But there is a very interesting phenomenon with humans: We don’t really think things through.

A perfect example is the Japanese martial art Karate. I have studied martial arts since the age of 5…really studied it along with dance, gymnastics, track, fencing, and many arts that deal with the mechanics of the body. We’ve all heard of the classic Karate punch and stance, but did you know they are extremely ineffective in any situation other than a staged dojo situation? You can easily break your arm, and many people do, but very few think about this.

Don’t even let me get into the ridiculous stories that we take as truth relative to our origin…absolutely absurd, the lot of them, including the myriad of things we are told to believe about reality – creation myths, god in the sky, laws of attraction, etc.

The point that I am making is that things are what they are without our stories about them.

In the feeling
The beauty of the thing is in the seeing and the feeling and what is beneath, not in the believing. We have lost the apparent texture of knowing and the exquisite nature of the very functionality within nature. There is no excuse or purpose to that which is. No one created it. The “don” says embrace this for what it is and see the beauty, magic, and power within it. We need to cultivate the individual like an exquisite unique flower that will yield the most beautiful things and give credit where credit is due…You! The individual!

I have grown tired of hearing that we are this or we are that in these weird, organized collectives of Stepford Steeple People wanting to belong.

I want to hear your individual voice, your individual song.

Nothing
Another archetype of The “don” is a type of “boss,” a subversive leader hidden away controlling a particular area with a syndicate. I want to be the don of Nothing. I’d have No One following me. I’d control Nobody. I’d have Nowhere to go and Nothing to do.

They’d ask me, “What do we need to do?”

I would answer…(Nothing).

They’d ask, “Well then, what kind of boss are you?”

I’d say, “Not the boss of you – you do you!”

Do it for yourself. Be on your own. Don’t follow anyone. Follow your passion. Don’t wait for approval. Take responsibility. Be accountable. Take action. Avoid social control. Don’t follow the masses.

You get my drift. There is a “You” waiting to be born. What are you waiting for?

There is a moment, between sleep and wake, night and day, between the notes in a concerto, life and death, between the eyes of youth and old age…all unspoken, all unheard, yet certain; in the stillness of a stone or a whisper’s breath in the wind and ice melting and water freezing or fire burning wood to ash…where things are both eternal yet, never last. I am this lasting. I am this fleeting…moment.

My memory is like an old photo album in a baseboard attic. My mind is like a shattered mirror, scattered, crushed and tossed about, to and fro, by walkers by. What then am I but none of these things. My soul; fragmented and old, left for dead in the cold asylum of time…huh, and time again.

My unquenched thirst for an unrequited love called life still hangs in the rafters of a show never seen…yet; this is all to be called bliss? What play is this again? Sam, play it again…for me, so that I can remember again. I don’t want to forget this time, so as not to do it again, in time.

What was it that I was supposed to remember about myself? Huh, there it goes again …right through my fingers. What was it that I was supposed to hang onto…until now…it so easy to slip through the cracks in space and time. What did I lose this time…my mind? No, that was long ago. What if, on this pass, I forget to flip the hourglass or forget to wake the sleeper…will I get deeper into this?

Am I not the river, always moving, yet never going anywhere…they call it the same name but it is never the same? Am I not the stone, chipped and washed and cast away…always alone? Give me some spiritual things to say so that I don’t feel like I am drifting away. Some “thing” clever and new and a myriad of things to do to ensure my belief so that I can practice for years, then do enlightened feats. This is The Edge…this paper…way in the corner of this paper…the thin Edge on which I walk…this column that seemingly holds something up? Hmmmm….

The eccentric nature of madness must give us pause, for within its walls lies truth, but truth always lies…doesn’t it?…guiding me to my inevitable fragile demise, with failing ears, eyes and mind. Who was that guy, a river, a stone; he died alone? Yet, there is an irreverent joy that I have in all of this waxed important meaninglessness and it is this, that…I may or may not be remembered…the things that I say are like burning embers or fading echoes, as it goes…away. They say “You may be depressed” but, I find so much joy in this rest…assured! Nothing to hold onto and that’s all I do hold …and release. For it is not mine. Nor is my body, for it returns, so too will this planet…that sun.

Why have they tried to paint me so, with color and bones; propped up as if I’d stand forever…playing their recordings, praying for their doings, preying on the new ones coming in with questions. As bits and pieces of me fade away, slip away; I breathe and the wind blows me away…what was I saying? The temporal seasons change and we rearrange our schedules accordingly, monotonously, and in a way never changing with feigned permanence as a practical illusion in this fleeting delusion called life.

There is no fear for loss of land or things or holding still in the kingdoms natural …no cars ‘cept for ours, no boats or jets, or dining room sets, no cells or phones, or maps to find home…as I let go, I come to know that I have never been any of this. I am not the one that identifies it, or watches it; not consciousness, not awareness, not the universe or even my perception of nothingness. I am in the moment that isn’t, the one that slips away unnoticed. I commended you for creating all that you identify with but, I am when no one is paying attention.

The joy of touching the abstract fabric that is at the base of this all is like Magic, because out of nowhere everything appears and you can feel it there before, yet there is nothing there at all. I have spent years sharing Nothing…and I have Nothing to show for it. But I will leave you with this…in those moments when it’s all off, cultivate it…the absence.

Please, do not think me solemn, or in confusion or lack. I just simply know that everything fades to black. No fear, for I am already there.

“They could be made to accept the most flagrant violations of reality, because they never fully grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them, and were not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what was happening. By lack of understanding they remained sane. They simply swallowed everything, and what they swallowed did them no harm, because it left no residue behind, just as a grain of corn will pass undigested through the body of a bird.” – George Orwell in 1984

The Earth is not flat nor is it the center of the Universe nor was it created in seven days nor is there a man in the sky running things! There are some things that are not open to interpretation. Such as, if you physically, mentally or emotionally abuse a child, it will be scarred. It is simply wrong. Period! Here, let’s get this out into the open. Priests that have sex with children should be castrated, hung and/or the whole religion that they represent should be shut down. It is probably a good thing that I am not yet in a position of power, because I have a storehouse of whoopass to deal out. At times I feel like a voice in the wilderness crying, “What the hell are you people doing?”

It doesn’t make sense that people are hungry or that they can’t get health care, when in simple board, role playing or video games we are taught to redistribute resources for the individual and collective. It doesn’t make sense that we gave a Nobel Peace Prize to the president of a country that is still waging war and not finding solutions of peace. I want to create a “No” directive. And here is how it would go. Whenever some company or government, which really is the same thing here in the U.S, decides to do something stupid, I get a call and simply tell the company/government “No“…end of story.

Do I think I am a god or that I should be given a certain amount of power? No. But I am bold enough to say that something is stupid and that we shouldn’t do it. You see, I don’t care if I have been someone else in a different life, or if I descended from the stars, or if some dude’s house has many mansions. Right here, right now, I can point at something and say, “That is wrong!” and not blow smoke up everyone’s butt saying, “There is no right or wrong,” which placates the predators of our times and absolves them of their wrongdoings.

Religions condone suffering to keep its slaves in line; this should not be a world design. The law is crooked because it releases the guilty. Suffering, war and pestilence happens because we are not listening to the obvious. We have all witnessed a gaping hole deep within the Earth spewing oil. The Earth was bleeding and we were not upset at this? In the CERN Laboratories they are smashing particles together, trying to replicate “The Big Bang.” If they are successful, this planet and the space around it could fold in on itself. If they make larger mistakes than they already have, they can open up a black hole right here on our planet with the same results.

What we are saying is that it is perfectly okay to rape the planet, anything or anyone!

So let’s just say, for the hell of it, that we decide to actually deal with what is happening: global warming, world hunger, child abuse, holes spewing oil, war, crime, murder, just to name a few. Then, let’s say, just for kicks, we realize that we are living on a freaking planet that is feeding us. You simply don’t poop where you eat. It is not healthy. Let’s say that we let go of the judgments that separates us from ourselves, each other and this planet. Would that be so bad?

There is so much that our conditioning allows us to gloss over – the obvious human atrocities. What if everyone who has the eyes to see, at every turn, said, “No!” and took a stand when they saw something wrong going on. Obviously I don’t have the space here to voice all that is happening, but you get my drift.

I am sure that there are those who say that if you focus on it, you just make it worse, just like those who ignore the cries of their children so that the family’s name is protected…you know who you are. All I am asking is that you wake up and don’t use culture, religion and spirituality as a veil to blind you and pretend that everything is okay. Speak you mind! Hell, shout it!

Let’s jump right in. If you try to use magic, it will inevitably destroy you, as will any power. Whatever you use comes back to haunt you. One must become Magic.

So what then is Magic? Magic is the self-aware matrix of existence and non-existence. Like intent, it brings things into being. It is the crux between. It is the whisper within that says this is the way, and if you look away for a moment it is gone – and yet, you can’t even look straight at it. It is the hairbreadth of instant.

It is like this: there are the ordinary, non-ordinary and extraordinary realities, and magic allows those who listen to move and do that which exists outside of the norm. Magic is the creative aspect of the fabric of existence and non-existence. Magic is the infinite nature of the abstract. We perceive things as solid and magic shows us the fluidity of it all and through synchronous acts we link up with it. It only works when we are not separate from it, as things seem to move seamlessly with the wind. So too should we with magic.

I can hear some saying, “Hanakia, I though that you said that you don’t believe in anything.” I don’t. This is simple and effortless listening and application of the boundless self. Magic is a discipline, a craft of consistency based on connection and listening.

When I touch a body of water, I feel the entire body and can access all of it. It has nothing to do with faith; it has to do with what is there. As one becomes power, you realize what you have at your avail. It was like when I was learning the Martial Arts and first realized that I could easily kill a human being. That changed everything. In the responsibility of that power, I learned to understand the nuances of power, energy, ability, intent; life is delicate.

An artist learns the subtleties of her/his craft and instruments. So too does a Magician. It is not about slight of hand. That is illusion and is misnamed.

Magic is about becoming.

People say that we are energy. We are not; we use energy. We are more than the things that most humans reason us into being. And much less than we appear to be. We think of this universe as a physical thing, when in reality what moves it is invisible. Even with us, the mind, spirit and soul; you can’t see them, but we use them. We breathe that which we cannot see, but we know it is there. Magic is a force that takes what is and what is not and adapts it; changes it into something else. It makes the non-physical, physical and the material, fluid. There is universal design and laws that keep things in place and functional. Magic is what takes those laws and bends them and allows for the extraordinary.

By becoming, I mean acquiescing, listening and adhering. You then realize that you are more than just a human being. We learn to access the spirit of things, the essence and move with it as it. An example is “Calling The Wind.” You don’t actually call it; you feel it. You remember it moving over you and through you. Then you whisper to the trees because they call the breeze, then there is a unison; inseparable.

In Magic, we merge with synchronicity, a deep point of listening, watching and seeing. In a way, it is timing – riding a slipstream of effortless possibility and acquisition. The world doesn’t get in the way; it is the drawing board; the scraps that we use to assemble “The Craft.”

The Earth, on the other hand, is a different story. We blend with The Earth itself, the air/wind, fire and core, water and depth, wood and elemental spirits, and metal as we blend all the elements for material utilization, and spirit to communicate with all.

Those who summon get more than they bargain for. Those who cast the spells never last. Those who listen and abide within have Magic’s Glean and Glisten.

That you may be touched by the crux between the seen and unseen, bending and blending the known with the unknown; when this is kith, kin, and friend…..this is Magic, then!

“Horror, I’ve seen horror…the horrors that you’ve seen. But that gives you no right to call me a murderer. You have the right to kill me, you have the right to do that but, you have no right to judge me.” - Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now (Hearts of Darkness)

The above quote was a portion of Brando’s last monologue to explain that his atrocities were no different than the atrocities of his country, or, for that matter, no different than the atrocities of religion.

How is it that so many people have died in the name of God? Why is a conviction of superior righteousness enough justification for killing other people? How is it that the Christians, Jews and Muslims are still fighting for the same God and each religion thinks that they are the chosen? It’s nothing more than a bunch of kids fighting on the playground – except that the consequences are staggering. These are the people that we let run the world based on childish beliefs. This is where the importance of feminine power comes into play particularly, the mother. Somewhere down the line not enough men got smacked upside their heads by their mothers and asked, “What the hell are you thinking?”

I look at my body, a blade of grass, the known universe…they all simply work on their own accord. They all have inherent inclinations that lead them to what they need for enhancement. There is an awareness; an inner knowing.

We are the only animals that get caught in earthquakes, tidal waves and other catastrophes. What is our problem? Why don’t we listen? We have put ourselves above all else with our stupid stories of self. Could someone please introduce me to this “higher self”? Is it somewhere on a shelf? Life really isn’t that complicated. You live, you die, and try not to do too many stupid things in between. So, to whom are you praying, other than you?

Look to these: visualization, positive thinking, prayer, chanting, affirmations, law of attraction. Did you ever stop to think that the very thought or idea of wanting, attaining or attracting something creates the very experience of separation? You don’t need to pray. You will always get what you need and intend because it is part of you, like the sun is part of the plants it nourishes. Your talents and abilities emerge from within you, bringing forth fruition. It is society that tells you that you are incapable. Dolphins don’t pray that they’ll learn to swim. An owl doesn’t repeat positive affirmations before hunting. The wind doesn’t try to blow. They simply know and do.

We might actually get somewhere if we stop pretending life is more than it is. The complicated stories we create are the bed of war and separation. If we could let go of beliefs, we might actually begin to see each other, to know each other. We should be urged to blend and mix races – beautiful beings we would be then. We should realize that this really isn’t about anything other than what we make it up to be. Ask the trees. Their silence says it all…Nothing at all!

What if this all came out of Nothing? What if there was no reason or rhyme to any of it and it just simply works because it is functional? What if we intellectualize necessary associations as if they had meaning? What if it is not about consciousness, but a deeper knowing and awareness that is based on inherent connection…all things listening, instinctually moving?

Other animals don’t try to take over the world. That is an insane idea placed upon us by religion. It is the most narcissistic egomaniacal idea ever (other than there being a man in the clouds, whether it’s Santa Claus or God).

Here is what I would like to do. Get all the religious leaders in one room and say: “Okay you knuckleheads: The Sun/Son rises or is born and it sets and then is born again the next day…You all have these stories fashioned after this occurrence…. The planet spins, the Sun/Son thing is an illusion. The Sun/Son is not in the sky or heavens. It is a white hot ball of gas 93 million miles away and it is not going to save you. Your books aren’t truth. They are stories that mark occurrences that at that time people didn’t understand – Mythology and Lore.”

Then I’d get all of the warmongers in one room and smack them upside their heads and say “What the hell are you thinking? All right, you’re done, the guns, weapons of localized and mass destruction, I hereby render them useless. Your killing doesn’t work anymore”…and shut them down.

And when they ask, “What should we do now?” I will say, “Nothing at all.”

Religion and culture as art are beautiful. Religion and culture as truth are dangerous.

Both religion and culture rely heavily on our shared mythology, dramatic tales of heroic accomplishments, ancient teachers and powerful gods. These stories are an answer to a subconscious stirring within all humankind. They are a poetic representation of the dream and the hero’s journey within each one of us. The archetypes that we have created throughout history are representations of our internal process.

Mythology is not something to be played out or acted out in the real world. And today we live in a world where many people cling to their chosen mythology, as if it were the only true lens through which to understand reality. But a world run by beliefs cancels out logic and common sense. We are like children playing in a sandbox; everyone has their own story that they are playing out. Yahweh, Allah, Krishna, Buddha, Christ and so on are characters in stories that we have created and continually generate. They are comic books for adults, but we take them as literal truth. It is like worshipping characters from Shakespeare or praying to Santa Claus. This world should not be in the hands of anyone who feels that there is something or someone coming to save us, whether it’s a Messiah or a Mothership, or a new age.

We have made a mess of this planet because of this type of thinking and believing. It doesn’t work and it isn’t going to!

We have forced the world into an unreasonable mold that does not accommodate the needs of the individual nor the collective. If you don’t get what I’m saying, take a few pages from history. Someone decides that Christ is our Lord and different groups wage war on everyone who does not convert to this belief. Folks come over to the American continents to escape religious persecution and then kill most of everyone who lives here. Or, more recently, the U.S. pushes its weight around as a world power and other cultures react with (surprise, surprise…) religious fanaticism and violence.

Museums, libraries, theaters, churches, temples, homes – these are the spaces and places for religion and culture. They should be shared like food or appreciated like old wine, but not force fed. If you really look at religion and culture, they are much like entertainment. They are theatrics performed to enlist certain emotions. The older you get, the harder it is to continually turn a blind eye to the inconsistencies in the sets, characters, rhetoric and dogma.

We go to a movie and realize that the actors are playing roles. Yet, some people call them by their character names and fall in love with the characters. News Flash! Human beings love to fall in love. They are emotional junkies. Love is the biochemical drug that makes us feel alive…it’s ridiculous at times. It is something that needs to be refined and cultivated.

I hate to have to wake you up folks, but you simply can’t be effective or truthful when you try to convince yourself and others that this is all about love. The Universe is a complex mechanism, and we must realize that we simply make stuff up to make ourselves feel like we are safe and have some control.

When we step out of the movie theater, we usually separate the story we’ve just been immersed in from the reality we’re stepping into. What would happen if you walked away from mythology? In the real world, what do you need?  What is it that is within you that fulfills you? And yes, religious, cultural and spiritual entertainment is great, but how do you rate? What is it that you can nurture and cultivate about you that will make you great? Bottom line: Stop giving away your power to a myth. Your ability is inherent. It is within. There is nothing that can get you out of your own way except you!

To offer hope, as opposed to resources, is slavery. Period. This is a bountiful planet filled with resources, and it is an outright lie to tell people that the things they need are inaccessible and that a certain person or god decides if they are worthy or if it is, in fact, the right time for them to receive what they need. It is a crime to mislead people who are in a place of weakness or meekness. It is shameful to create fear of hell or punishment and then in the same breath offer “hope” through complete allegiance to a particular faith.

People need to be empowered, not subjugated. We need to be empowered if we are going to survive. There is no one or nothing out there that will save us.

Little did I know the significance of watching Bugs Bunny as a child or reading Alice in Wonderland, nor the depth that I would somehow glean from these archetypes. Then a couple of years ago I used to joke that my power animal was the bunny – only to find that the place I ended up living has a giant bronze bunny outside of it. And that right before I moved here, seemingly unknowingly, I created an online group called “Down The Rabbit Hole,” well before the movie came out. And as many of you know, the space that I teach out of is affectionately called The Rabbit Hole. These things are profound in my life.

In many traditions, the rabbit symbolizes fear – yet, its hole is where it finds safety. Symbolically, it directly refers to the subconscious and the depth of self. Truly there is no way to become an effective or whole human being without taking the journey through the self.

I say to many of my clients: “You must go through the hole to become whole.” The exploration of self is so necessary, because we are not who the world says we are, not by any stretch of the imagination. Most all of who and what we think we are is imposed upon us. Self-discovery – or I should say uncovery – is an inside out (or insight out) job! This is the true hero’s journey.

There are things, monsters that exist within us, because we escaped our primal nature. They stalk us and we fear them because of this:

Whoever battles monsters should take care
Not to become a monster too
For if you stare long enough into the Abyss
The Abyss stares also into you – Friedrich Nietzsche

Once you become the monster you have a choice
Either to become the fear that you represent
Or to be present
And once you mirror the Abyss
To be present
Or Absent – Hanakia Zedek

What we fear is who we are and what we are capable of. Some of us act out unreasonably and irresponsibly, and that is inappropriate because it creates ties that bind us to people, places, things, situations and circumstances. There are others who know the propensity of who and what they are, and they cultivate and refine these abilities and this awareness.

An example: I know that I am a monster, a primal animal with pristine killer instinct. I do not delude myself into thinking that I am some “Higher Life Form” or that I am love or light; others may be, but I certainly am not. Plus, I am a Martial Arts Expert and Master. I have cultivated and refined these abilities, and I have a severe and sharp edge – yet, I use these abilities to set people free. Now, if anything were to happen, let’s say, to threaten our survival on any level, I would be the one whose camp you would want to be in if you wanted to survive; prayer is one thing; effective, impeccable action is a whole other reality. I have torn myself apart to find the truth within; down the Rabbit Hole again and again.

There is peace in excavation and release and finding the truth within yourself as opposed to buying what is told you. It is a wonderful surprise to look in through the eyes of all that you see to a deeper reality. And it’s your truth that sets you free, none other. The deeper you go down The Rabbit Hole, the more you grow and the more that you truly know.

When you sit in the silence of your own inner sanctum, you realize what is stirring within and what is simultaneously blurring your vision on the surface. Within, we find self-awareness, realization and actualization. Beyond the noise and chatter of the other world exists the truth and knowing of the inner world. And from this space we can navigate the external. When you are still, you see. When you are empty, you feel. When you are silent, you can listen to what is actually happening.

We try to pretend that we are not animals; we try to pretend that there is somewhere else to go. We try to pretend that we can do whatever we want without consequences. Well, I’m here to tell you…think again.

Everything that you avoid rises to the top. When you pay attention, make effective choices. By following what you know, you will create the right path to follow through The Rabbit Hole to become whole.

A child is lifted up and its mother says, into the mirror, “That’s you honey,” and the child takes that information in, relative to itself and its mom. But is that image really the child? Are you what you think that you see in the mirror and what someone tells you that you are? Is that image in the mirror the you that you have chosen or the one that was given to you? Do you question it or do you just believe it?

I don’t believe in anything, not in me or the reflection that I am seeing. The mirror is a representation, an image, an illusion of light. In “the Light,” we are told that we are all one; we are reflections of the divine. Many (not all) who deal in this New Age movement and religion spout rhetoric about love, light and gods that isn’t their words at all. As a matter of fact, most of what they say isn’t even their personal experience but simply repeated phrases. Beliefs. People speak about free will and free thought all of the time, yet they are slaves to what they believe and have faith (or fear) in.

What if I said that the bible and books like it are fiction – age-old mythology or comic books for adults? How would you feel? What if we are not reflections of god? What if god is a projection of us, of archetypal human values? Do you identify with this information? Do you reflect it? Do you think that something is the truth because you read it or hear it? Do you question what you see or hear or do you have blind faith in what people say is the truth?

We are told that the world is a reflection of us. What if it is a surface that we are projecting onto and, when you stop, you have the opportunity to see what is really there? Words are representations. Yet, we are not trained to understand or even experience what they represent. So much of humanity stays on the reflective surface of the construct that perpetuates it.

I hear people speak about what they believe and I see how they have become trapped by their own fears and self-imposed limitations. I have been a believer in the past and I experienced the joy and love of it…only to realize later that it was me who put the emotion there. I know now that I created that love and joy and it was not god, or my faith, or anything external. In fact, beliefs get in the way of us simply living, loving, and playing together.

Before you tell children who they are, they all simply play together. So what the hell are we doing? I say shatter the mirror and let it be what it actually is…fragmented, a collection of lies that we tell ourselves, the holder of masks. It’s true that the blind can truly see, for those with eyes are trained to see lies about themselves and others. These lies are often presented in the guise of religion and new age philosophy.

I am tempted to tell so-called spiritual people to shut up when they start spewing rhetoric about what they believe. I find “regular people” refreshing to talk to because I don’t have to hear the myriad of things that uphold the hope and faith-based realities of many involved in religion and spirituality.

I understand that my position is strong. That is my intent, so that those who want to break free of the mirror can, so that they may see beyond the reflection given to them by culture, society, religion, government and so on.

I understand that I am going against the grain of religious, spiritual and cultural protocol, but I should be able to look into the eyes of a child, or a neighbor, or a Muslim woman from halfway around the world, and say “Hello sister” and see myself and not difference. Because there is a common ground. It is not what you believe in. It is not who you’ve been told you are. It is not what you spend time thinking about. It is the look in a child’s eyes just before she laughs or in the leaves of a tree just before the wind blows or in the kiss of an animal or the breath in the air just before the rain falls.

It’s being.

I am this stone, this tree, this blade of grass, the first and last breath that anyone takes…not the reflection, but the thing itself.

The Void, The Nothing, The Womb, The Great Mother, The Sublime Feminine, The Great Mystery, The Tao, The Yin. This is the True Darkness…get over it. It is part of who we are; it is the source of who we are. We have been misguided for thousands of years to fear the dark. In many ways, this was a diversion so that we wouldn’t question that which occurred in the light. In so many religions and aspects of spirituality, when we question the motives and actions of authority we are told that it is the word or hand of God and not to question but to believe and have faith. And in the shade or behind the curtain of this great light, dastardly deeds are done: to children, to nations, to the Earth – all in the Name of God or the light.

It is not the Darkness that is evil.

I feel that we initially feared the Dark due to the fact that there were creatures that were more aware and sensitive than us, that lurked at night. We became light and fire worshippers, because we felt safe during the times of day and fire – to the point where we would point to the sky for our salvation. In so many religions, we have a rising and dying Sun/Son. It is the mythology of our time that is shifting.

In releasing my social and cultural mythology and personal history, I have found true freedom. I am no longer afraid of the dark. I can see in the dark. I am more sensitive and aware and in touch with my primal essence. We seem to forget that we are animals. Many humans believe that their salvation is beyond the human condition – to ascend and be something else and go somewhere else while never coming close to mastering the self. This mastery, in and of itself, is glory sublime.

We come out of The Nothing – The Darkness – and return thus, and all that is and is not is within us. The planets are like our molecules yet, inside and around all of it, Darkness. We are made up of it. It is the potential field that we sit in and emanate from. Science tells us that 96 percent of the Universe is Darkness/Nothing/Void, and 4 percent is what we call Everything. Do the math.

I understand that death is scary. I understand that we all have monsters inside. I understand the nature of fear. Yet, these are the very things that we should approach and come to understand, as opposed to becoming so blinded by “The Light.” There are things going on inside that, at times, need our immediate attention. In the Dark, you find rest, stillness and peace. It is your mind that creates the scary things, the things that go bump in the night and cause a fright.

I say bump back! Open the closet, look under the bed, and look in the mirror – for there is your fear!

Religion and Spirituality are notorious for blaming negativity and evil on Darkness, giving it a bad rap. But as I have said, look at where the true evil emanates. How can you tell children that they are safe and then make them subject to rape? How can we all be at war over the same God? How can spiritual leaders subject their followers to death and unhealthy situations? None of this has anything to do with Darkness. It happens in “The Light.” It is there where evil lies – in plain sight!

Sheep are constantly being misled by “The Light” shining overhead. The Lord is returning on this date, the world is ending on this date, the Mothership is coming on this date. There is something better on the other side, so just follow “The Light.”

Darkness is not a culprit and there is no evil in there, because there is nothing and no one to feed on. Nothing exists in the Darkness; it is the only thing that does. Listen for the night to rise and realize the power of the shift. Move into, through and beyond your fear and feel the power of it. In the depth of self are all of the answers that we seek and all that we could ever be: free.

I have found truth in the Darkness because it never had anything to say; it is untainted…absent. In this, I have found peace. No war, hunger, pestilence, fear. Just me sitting here, in it, disappearing…clearing. Listening to and hearing…Nothing.

If I could share this with the world, I would – but alas, no one can hear what isn’t being said unless they themselves have found it. So if there was something I would share it would be this…shhhhhhh.

“I can’t believe that this has come up again. I thought that I had worked through this.” Lightworkers often seem surprised about personal issues that keep popping up. This is because much of the work around inner issues is ritualistic at best, meaning that it is only representative of what actually must be done. Or a person may ask another to go in and do it for them or psych it out of them, like asking someone to yank out a tooth. Or they may even attempt to pray it away.

But this I must say: No amount of light can replace the depth that it takes to become complete. You must dig a hole and traverse through it to become whole.

Beliefs can get in the way of deep excavation. Some people have these ideas of agreements that we supposedly made before we were born. Others believe that there is no right or wrong. But the worst is the placation of forgiveness without any responsibility or accountability. I have seen the eyes of a child defiled. There are no agreements there and the wrongdoing is clear. Forgiveness is not the path either. Things of this nature create faults in a human child that are not theirs. But these faults can be released. By holding someone accountable, you can say “This is not my fault” and give it back. Religious and spiritual rhetoric is dangerous; it is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. Injury must be sourced out and extracted or in some way shifted before it can completely heal.

Here are some tools:

The Fault: This is the understanding that fault is something that has been given to you by predators or perpetrators. It isn’t yours. It is helpful to look at fault like a fault in the Earth — a break, a fissure. For humans this happens at a young age with inappropriate contact or the receiving of a system of belief. Give the fault back and let it go…back to its rightful owner.

Point of Origin: There are things that may have been done to you at a young age before you had the power to choose; as an adult, go back in your mind to that time and change the outcome of any event. I do understand that this sounds strange and people don’t speak of it. But, imagine the power that an individual would have if they could change their past…you can.

Recapitulation: This is the art of recovering energy that was wasted, given away or taken from you. Go back to all of the points in your life when you lost, regained or reclaimed energy. Then, either psychologically, mentally, energetically, or through meditation, undo what you did to give your energy away.

The Sentry: This is a conscious and sub-conscious aspect of self that is always exploring the depth for the hidden parts that hold us back from being who we truly are. The Sentry clears the inner path affecting all directions that we go and all that we do.

The Dark: I feel that it is important to learn to see in the dark and not be so blinded by the light. Most people simply don’t go or stay deep enough to see and feel what is really going on in their lives. From that depth we can see the reasons and causes of our reactions. In the stillness of self, all sorts of power and understanding can be uncovered.

CHANGE YOUR STORY
The application of the these tools is based on the realization that the mind will do what you tell it to. What I am talking about is not denial; accept what has happened and retain what you have learned from your past experiences. Now, change your story — affect, shift and change your present and future by changing your past. Go back, see it as it was right before the incident and transform it into a situation in which you have the power and, most importantly, the choice.

What is bothering me? Where does it stem from? Do I really want to do this or be here? What do I really feel about this situation or circumstance? What do I need to let go of? Who do I need to let go of? These are some of the questions that we ignore. If left unanswered, they stir in the deepest parts of us and surface as anger and annoyance.

Excavation is the way to get to the deepest parts of the self. Let go, and find power and available energy. There are wonders within if we just take the time to see and hear what we are truly saying.

We hear the word “within” used a lot to describe an experience that we should be having but, what does it really mean and, for that matter, where exactly is it?

Obviously, the body is made up many things — skin, cells, bones, blood, organs, etc. Then you have the brain, an even more complex operating system of bio-electrical pathways, tissue, muscle, etc. And we are supposedly somewhere in here or around here.

In most cases “within” refers to the experiential essence. So, what is that? Is it the mind, the body, the spirit, the soul, all of these together, or none of these at all? Some say that the brain is biochemically making us feel all of what we imagine to be real. Others say that it’s the spirit or the soul that is in control of the mind. Some feel that we are all part of a God’s consciousness. There are so many beliefs and perspectives to what this all is.

Navigate the World
I am driving a vehicle. I am inside this vehicle and simultaneously outside of this vehicle. My ability to effectively navigate the world in which I drive is directly proportionate to my ability to listen to myself and connect to that world. My influence is relative to this; so I roll down the windows and stop a lot and step out to step in. This is “within.”

I say that we are not body, mind, spirit, soul or even essence; like a vehicle, we operate all of these. You must be in what you are driving. In science, we have discovered that when you break things down or really look at them, there is space everywhere. In the microcosm or the greater macrocosm, there is mostly space. I say that it is here that we exist, I go so far as to say that we are that space; the very emptiness of it. This is “within.”

Manifestation is a tricky game; it is very easy to get trapped by all the bells and whistles that you create in your personal story or history. With all due respect, I have seen this in lightwork also; people so readily get distracted and even blinded by the light, avoiding their depth and even common sense. A human being usually can’t be forced to do something against their will, but they can be convinced of anything and will fight for that belief. People move away from their own depth and inherent knowing, like instinct and intuition that tells them what is right and wrong, and what works and what doesn’t work for them. In many religions we are told not to trust ourselves and that we are not worthy and even inherently evil and that we can’t possibly know anything without some evil influence. So we are told to trust books, doctrine, religious representatives, external deities; everything except your own truths.

Here I will provide a space to explore personal depth and yourself within. While many feel that they need to ascend, there are many who want to go deeper into the self; into the abstract and move from that depth. I have coined a phrase to describe this type of person: The Depth Worker. They simply don’t settle for what they have been taught and let go of the training that doesn’t work for them. They are explorers of the known and unknown.

Temples of Old
It takes years to come into understanding. In the temples of old, a student’s training started with cleaning the temple; to release/clean the self. They would learn consistency and efficiency. Later, maybe they were trained in the actual art, which only works after some deep release. After years of training, you are then told to forget everything so that the true understanding emerges. What you think is stripped from you so that all that is left is what you know.

It takes intense training to get to where you actually are. We are inundated with construct after construct — and none of it is true or real, it is simply what we are being presented with so that we buy into those constructs; we are consumers and trained to purchase reality. To those wanting to experience their depth, I would say this: Remember to forget — and forget to remember all that no longer serves you. Your experience is synthesized through you. So, to thine own self be true!

And in all action you are responsible. All that you do comes back to you. The Universe is a reflective surface until you at last step through the looking glass and follow the steps down the Rabbit Hole to become whole…this is “within.”

You can not become any kind of warrior in a weekend period. Warriorship is based on lifelong consistency. A true warrior learns to harness the mind, body, spirit, soul and essence; ergo The Quintessential Warrior.

There are truly no external battles; war is waged and settled within. If you conquer the self, you conquer the illusions of the world. The application of actual physical combat, if necessary, is swift and effective. Warriorship is an internal quest for personal excellence. You may ask why. I would answer, for effortlessness. Is the time it takes worth it? Yes!

Human beings tend to live life in indecision and struggle, relentlessly seeking answers outside of themselves. Unlike other animals, we are not trained to trust our instincts. From birth, the arrow is pointed outward. A warrior, on the other hand, understands that through the discipline and training of self, the answers to all are evident in mere awareness of self and situation.

Yet, I feel that we are not any of these things; mind, body, spirit, soul or essence; these are but the tools that we use to engage and be effective in this world. The Mind is the sword, The Body is the vessel, The Spirit is the power, The Soul is the artist, The Essence is what we paint or sculpt from, the inspiration. We are not any of them.

We are the space in between the strokes and rhythm; the aforementioned five aspects are tools that say, “We are living in the art that we are giving forth as life.” The Warrior listens for this space and moves from this place in all that they do, because it is who and what they are.

And I do understand that this is outside of the norm, but it is truly how it happens. As you disappear, you emerge.

At the age of 5, starting upon this quest, I was resistant and undisciplined to the point where my Sensei and Master would ask me to leave the class. I was taking Judo and Kung-fu. I was a brat. I didn’t understand what drills had to do with Martial Arts. I thought that they were out of their minds asking us to squat-walk around the Dojo 100 times, along with countless push-ups on hands, fingers and knuckles. Yet, somehow, they eventually broke me…well, along with my mother. I transcended the pain and repetition and saw my way to the art.

Years of training in NYC’s Chinatown and on the streets gave me an unmatched awareness of situation and application of self. Then, a life-threatening and crippling accident when I was 13 forced me to use what I learned to first save my life then avoid amputation. I learned that life is chock-full of opportunities to prevail or fail. I made a choice early on to master myself so that I had a chance against the construct. I then began to systematically annihilate the self to taste true freedom.

The idea that anything can be done relative to the self in a weekend retreat is absurd; existence should be refined in every moment and become a skill, an art, of life. It takes a moment to decide to change your life and a lifetime to make that choice consistent. It was the discipline that I learned in the Dojo that showed me that it was possible to do anything, despite myself.

There is no fast track to this experiential understanding – no quick fix. So many false teachings offer those in need an external solution; it is never quick and it is always within. Training to be a warrior is long and hard – and to be clear, a fighter is not a warrior. Being a warrior has nothing to do with external conflict. It has to do with impeccable application of that which is integrated and forgotten; applied and released.

Warriorship is discipline. It is a way of life…not a Weekend!

I started on my path at the age of 5; 42 years later, I know of no way to short cut it! It is hard and consistent work. Notice that I didn’t say “Spiritual Path” or “Way to Enlightenment,” because I don’t even feel that those are where we are going or what we are doing. I certainly don’t feel that you can attain it in a Weekend Spiritual Warrior Workshop. What James Arthur Ray did was an irresponsible and manipulative travesty!

At this time in human development, you can not tell people what they want to hear for monetary gain. It will destroy them. The work must be deep to endure the changing times. For example, you don’t charge people close to $10,000 dollars for a weekend and make them think that they then will be rich and healthy; it just doesn’t work that way. All that you can do is give people tools. They still have to do the work. It is simply a deception to make them think that paying a certain amount of money or doing a certain task will do it for them.

Let’s look at the case of James Arthur Ray sticking 60 people in a homemade Sweat Lodge! That is just murder; there is no way to monitor the rapidly depleting air flow and the compromised health of the constituents at those high heats and occupancies. It is ludicrous to even consider putting more than ten people, at most, in an enclosed, heated and dark space unless you are indigenously trained in the movement of rounds, heat of stones, and timing of the lifting of flaps, etc.

I feel that the police investigation should directly deal with the knuckle head factor and blind disregard for human safety and life. This is clearly a case of having dollar signs for eyes. If Ray has a trial, it should be set before his peers and he should be held accountable for the 18 people who were hospitalized and the three people who died. This case, if dealt with properly, can set the stage for a new approach to human development.

Obviously, my tone is strong about this incident. It is due to the fact that I spend a good portion of time undoing what many irresponsible teachers do to their students. It is a lot of work to undo training of harmful beliefs and practices that create false hope.

Now, while James Arthur Ray’s teachings are dealing with the common “New Age” protocols for taking action to change your life and changing the way that you think and feel in relation to your inner and outer worlds, the methods of packing people into unsafe areas – just because you can and they will allow it – is just dangerous and irresponsible. Chances are that we are coming to the end of the times of “motivational speakers” and the likes, but we are at the crest of a changing paradigm where people are going to be seeking real help. I feel that the vulnerability factor is going to rise, and so too should our responsibility as leaders of a hungry, disenchanted flock. People come to us to be assisted in health and healing, not to be made sick and dead!

James Arthur Ray said after he got out of town that he was “shocked and saddened” by the tragedy.

“My deep heartfelt condolences to family and friends of those who lost their lives,” he wrote. “I am spending the weekend in prayer and meditation for all involved in this difficult time; and I ask you to join me in doing the same.”

That response it is simply not enough!

I have moved myself through the things that they speak of
The mind and refined it to the point of uselessness
The body; I have found its use as a space ship to traverse this
The spirit to the attention of the inner workings of nature to hear it
And the soul if I be so bold….that which to let go
They ask me “How can you live without a soul?”
And I say “Like so………..”
If I am alive and abide by these things what then am I; a human being?
As I watch it all crumbling
Realizing that I am doing the holding
I let go….like smoke from a fire that I did light once….and stoke
You may ask “Where then am I?”
I am….Not;
The mere reverberation of an echo from so long ago of a source forgotten
An assembly of words often heard in life’s temporal soliloquy
Rearranged for this player in the game
Of life and death
And yet a still whisper
Like an old worn out picture
In an attic’s baseboard photo album when uncovered they say “I faintly remember that one”
I am this one….of none
Some may think this dismal or bleak
But you see I no longer seek
The exposé of self
After then….not even freedom
If I could close my ears as I do my eyes
The silence would rise like the night
And as the prevalence of that whisper would arise
And pristine presence of absence sublime
It is there you would find me
If I were at all
Then greater than this the even lesser than call
Beyond the abysmal inevitable fall
My truest inclination is this
To rest in peace as Nothing at all
The quintessential kiss has always been Nothingness.

The undeniable pull to exit from the construct
The inevitable influx of the shifting paradigm
Where do you stand?
In any of this
The disguise of freedom is masked with overlays
Of purpose and cause, reason and rhyme
Do you really want to be part of this flurry of distractions?
Are the layers apparent?
The thickness of it
Its density…
Escape
Wipe it off
Release…let it go…walk away
Detach from….
Create the new model w/o the glue
What is any of this anyway? Whose idea was it?
Wouldn’t your reality work better?
I have twisted and turned this reality out of shape
And reshaped it for myself
And now upon approach…it crumbles
And in my wake…is destroyed
When you have time; come and play with me in humanity’s desolate field of dreams
I have cleared it thus
And made room and space
I have not time to wait for the heralds of apocalypse and time’s end
I have already started all over
And cleaned my hands with responsibility
I have excavated myself and dug myself up and discarded my-self with the trash
So tainted it was with the commercial viability like scabs on rotting flesh
So I carry what is left like an empty chalice
Waiting to discard
Any idea or notion
That may arise out of the ashes
I wait longer still…
To see if a phoenix attempts
Good…there is no stirring
I will wait longer still
Until I forget this all…like an unread story….on a shelf passed by

Okay, I’ve considered the lilies of the field
And what they yield
And I have found that they emerge from their own inherent inclination
With no supplication
To any god or man
And from where I stand
It all emerges and is inherent from within
Out of Nothing
And after really checking
And then after asking, the ten thousand things, themselves
They have all said, “There is Nothing Else”…..
What I have been lead to believe
Is not in the trees
Not in the grass
Not in the breeze
What is, and how it is,
Is necessary…if not, it wouldn’t exist
No one made this
And as far as consciousness
It operates the matrix that it created; a construct
That which is primary, is Awareness
Sensitivity, connection, inherent direction
When I stare into inner space I see no face
When I look into outer space I see no place
Empty, partially filled, mapping itself out…refined and skilled
So you can believe whatever you like to
But don’t include me in what you think is true
So….become enlightened and ascend
And leave me down here with my friends
Earth, Fire, Wood, Metal, Water, and Wind
I was up there before, and now “I’m Fallen”
It was my choice…I heard the voice of silence calling
And saw in plain sight that the Infinite was within the finite…in-finite
The space that I was hearing was within
As far as I’m concerned that was the original sin….not listening;
Not trusting ourselves and speaking out asking “What the hell are they saying?”
So I’ve moved beyond fear, supplication, wishing, hoping, and praying
To knowing…..Nothing
And listening to my origin from within……

…….if it were for purpose or cause
Then there would be flaws
In the plan
That I, with single hand
Will take down belief
The result, if nothing else….noble peace
What a prize…what a relief….
This…is necessity!
Deeper still….inclination
……would free all nations
….release the burdens of war
…..no more

Inane crippling marriage of church and state
The perpetual rape
Of humankind
….and we, made blind
To it
To wit, this turn
That burns
Within…a yearning….still
Deeper and deeper, I will
Until….
Control and tides are lost
Think you this not an entry
Into the journal of “This Story”
“It was there that he said it”
“It was here that we read it”
Where one man, made a stand
…….a difference, a variance
I declare this piece
I declare this peace

Away then with belief, sweet victory, of release
There too, gone the fear, viral…everywhere
Usurped in this…….
I do not believe, I see, I feel, with eyes pealed wide
Swayed by the inherent winds of changing times and tide
Now, I rise,
First to herald; a lark, in the dark
Speak, I, then….”this is the end of time”
“Stand aside god………stand aside”
We Rise!